Be honest. When was the last time you we're taking a dump, reached for the TP and thought to yourself: "Dear me, this TP just doesn't match my bathroom. I really need to find some TP that compliments the interior decoration of my bathroom".
- like never, right?
Lambi has the following little nugget on their six pack of TP of the "Satin" brand:
LAMBI TREND COLLECTION
brings the latest trends to your bathroom.
This season's must is ever elegant grey,
or as we see it: poetry of silver.
After all, style is all about details.
- I read this little nugget and I wen't huh?! It's TP, for crying out loud. It's designed to wipe crap from your corn hole. It's the essense of use-and-throw-away-products. It's the godfather of use-and-throw-away-products. Should we really care about how it looks? It could say "Sandpaper grain 16" on it, as long as it didn't feel like it. It could have print of barbed wire on it, as long as it feels soft on the butt cheeks.
Lambi trend collection... What the fuck. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?!?
And just to add insult to injury...
It's no secret that TP has about the same structural integrity as mashed potatoes. In other words it is very close to falling apart from the stress of it's own weight (so don't ever use TP for hull plating on your next spaceship, NASA).
With this already more than weak structural integrity, would you think it was neccesary to perforate anything but the line that seperates the sheets? I say no. Lambi says yes. Yes! YES! Let's perforate the ENTIRE sheet, except for 10 little flowers on each sheet, because TP with patterns AND perforation is the new ideal for ass wiping.
You have to be friggin kiddin'! Who was the idiot product developer, who let his or her 3-year old kid design the TP now situated on my TP-holder? The person needs to be fired, then hired and fired once more. This TP is only useable, if you meticulously use a FLOWER part of the sheet. Anything else... well - let's not get graphic about that.
Honestly - if you absolutely HAVE to put patterns on TP, use coloured print. I'd much rather have a green butt, than - well once again with the graphic details...
*image courtesy of Lambi