Ominous clouds approaching... for real

Last night a storm rolled in over Denmark from the south. We were at at my place, and luckily the trusty Nikon D60 was just within range, so as the front of the storm hit us, I snapped a few pics.
They're deliberately slightly under exposed - for the dramatic touch.







Spooky, ay?

Polygon skadesbegrænsning?

Set i lyset af mit erhverv, må det jo være firmaET at ringe til, hvis jeg fucker up
(jep - det er 3D-nørdhumor på højt (*host*) plan... ;)

OMG-sockets... 'nuff said!

a lawsuit waiting to happen ;)

Back in 2003/2004 I ran a little series of comics about the Matchbox Men on Vomic.com (now vomic.hatetank.dk)
One of the first images was this one :



- today I was shown this cute tee-shirt design
I can't help but wonder where he got the inspiration ;)

Things NOT to think about in an airplane...

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


- I don't wan't to board a plane, sit back and think that the service crew has a sense of humor like this. But it's cool as long as I have both feet on the ground ;)

*thanks to Niels Tybjerg for this one

Agurketid...

Mjaeeh - jeg får ikke lige posted afsindigt meget... Så her er lige et par fede udenlandske musikvideoer, med tekstning - for JERES skyld, kære gæster.

Falafsangen


Oldemor


Kold Bims


AI AI AI (NU bli'r det fjollet)


- så får i ikke mere for den 25-øre.

Dissektion - a short by Anders Nydam

Just thought I'd help promote the latest work by a very talented friend of mine, Anders.
It's a somewhat disturbing, yet incredibly intriguing short with some very nice visuals.



check it out here, or download
DISSEKTION (Hi res):
http://agony.dk/dissektion/dissektion-hires.mp4
Video: MPEG4 Video (H264) 1050x576 25.00fps
Audio: AAC 44100Hz stereo 1411Kbps
Size: 446mb

*©2008 all rights reserved, Anders Nydam - agony.dk

...and I just cleaned the house...

It was great fun though - thanks to all who showed up... FOR RUINING MY HOME!!
- just kidding of course - next time will be my birthday around late august/early september. X marks the spot - put it in the calendar ;)

*edit* And to whoever brought the roof tile to my appartment and left it there for me to find at 5am, drunk and on my way to bed - that's just sick! Roof tiles go on the OUTSIDE - don't make me nervous like that again. I actually had to check the roof for missing tiles, when I went down with the garbage today...

SICK, I tells ya! :D

*edit 2* Ok, who ate my 2 incredibly pathetic discount burgers, which I had saved for tonight? That's just mean. I hope your conscience is black as night. You've forced me to go out for food... again... You just don't eat another persons hangover meal. Shame, shame on you...

*edit 3 (only 3 years later)* - so the roof tile has finally been refitted, after 3 years of pigeons inside the roof, and wall to wall pigeon shit outside my window :D

National (aqua)bomb championships

Today me and a bunch of my colleagues went to see the Danish Championship in (aqua)bomb. It was a hoot - except for the fact that it was scorching hot on the stands and I finished the only beer I brought, about 2 minutes after sitting down.
But those guys were beyond mad. I believe that at least one of them had an agonizing look on his face, when he surfaced after a jump. But I guess that's only fair, when you hit the surface with your ass first, from the 10 meter platform where most of the jumps took place from.

Anyways - here's a few (mediocre) pictures from the event. They really don't do the event justice. The volume of the splashes were half the experience.


- impact...


- good splash. Great height.


- impact...


- nice "wings". Looks almost like a swan.


- yes he rode it ALL the way down.


- tripple action...


- yes, curl up like a porcupine - good plan.


- nice overall volume.


SPLASH!!

Great fun overall - and especially the german guests were out of their heads.
Check out some videos and keep track on upcoming events here.

Beautiful or ugly...ful

- I think it's gorgeous.

Jeez - lighten up...

I like to mess with people occasionally, and Facebook has proven to be as good a place as any. More specifically the application called "Social Me".
Basically you get to "tag" other people with a set of predefined labels, or create your own. And you can attach an image and a little description to your Social Me profile. Currently, this is me :

PUNY HUMANS!!
Nick, 36 / male
Graaaboch Prime

About Me:
I will destroy you all!

Who I'd like to meet:
A female earthling, who in return will be spared the obliteration in store for this pathetic planet.


- not really something to be taken serious, right? Well apparently someone do. Yes there IS in fact places on this very earth where people with absolutely no sense of humor reside.

Just a few minutes after updating my profile to the above, some silly brat tagged me with this little nugget : "freak-nd-pathetic". Obviously I couldn't let this slide, so I wrote a little note to her, on the Social Me mail system... here's a transcript of the following communication :

Me (Alien Overlord) :

Inferior human!

You have been sentenced to work in the dark mines of Nylaarrfn for a period of no less than five billion years.

Her (Primate of less importance) :

RE:Inferior human!

yr freak grow up nd act yr age nt yr shoesize!!

Me :

RE:Inferior human!

SILENCE! Superior lifeforms have no need for pathetic footwear. Puny human with footwear obsession, should learn how to properly operate a computer input device, instead of argueing with those of a superior intelligence.

Her :

RE:Inferior human!

u finko OH ND GET A RAZOR U NUT CASE

Her (again) :

RE:Inferior human!

ND I WONT BE SILENT 4 BIG HEADED FREAKS LIK U!!!!!

Me :

RE:Inferior human!

Female earthling seems aggrevated. Apparently concepts like humor and irony are wasted on humans. Pity.

Her :

RE:Inferior human!

sado go bck 2 planet zork u dork fuck off

Me :

RE:Inferior human!

Foul language and profanity will not be tolerated under the new earth administration. Disobedient primates will be sent to correctional facilities upon our arrival.

---------------------
- end of transcript. I guess she finally accepted her pityfull fate.
(Cue ominous music and laughter)...


*edit* - By popular demand - here's another one.
She didn't have a tantrum like the above one and somewhat tried to play along it seems. Nevertheless here's my response to her tagging me as "Ridiculous":

Me :

I am superior!

My race will eat insubordinate humans for afternoon snacks! Be warned inferior being!

Her :

RE:I am superior!

naturally...

Me :

RE:I am superior!

Good good. You seem to have come to your senses. There is hope for you after all...

Her :

RE:I am superior!

I already am THE superior race, so you must obey me...

Me :

RE:I am superior!

Lies! You obviously lack the clearly visible mental gland common in highly evolved species. Your head is still covered with primate remains.

Her :

RE:I am superior!

you keep thinking that

Me :

RE:I am superior!

SILENCE!! Thinking is but another primate remain. We, the omnipotent, fold time and space with our mental glands. In comparison, the biggest human mental achievement, is the folding of cutlery. Trivial, mundane and a typical human display of lacking visions.

---------------------
- end of transcript. Fun fun fun :D

Stickers on fruit...

- what's up with that? Don't you just hate it? I mean, who got the "brilliant" idea to label fruit individually? Ok I don't mind so much if you have to peel it first, because the fruit is not in contact with the edible parts. But apples? Who thought "Gosh - I better put stickers on these GRANNY SMITH apples, in case some of them elopes to the box with COX ORANGE". Or even worse as it has been my case at work lately : the plums. Seriously. Plums. But why? WHY? It was so bad on one occasion that the sticker actually tore of part of the skin, upon removal. Is it not bad enough that you have to scrub your fruit to get rid of other peoples germs first? Apparently not. You ALSO have to steam the stickers first, and remove the remaining glue with alcohol, to ensure a "safe" and healthy snack.

- and then you bite down, split it, and find out that someone lives inside the plum. What a waste of time...

The whole shebang is just ludicrous. An apple is NOT an egg. I can understand the need to stamp eggs individually - that in case of illness you can trace the chicken and have it removed before it infects the others. But you're not gonna trace down a specific tree, and that's clearly not what the labels on fruit is for anyways. An apple is just empty advertising space, and empty advertising space makes baby jesus cry... So there.

Yet another ¤#/%¤/#¤% squatter...

- well he IS big enough to pay rent (about 5-6cm).

I call him "Lars".

Goddamn squatters!

A bunch of squatters have taken residence under the roof/ledge, shielding one of my windows. Soon I'll have their (probably pierced, tattooed and skanky) kids making a racket. Sheeeesh, I say!

Drunk bastard...

I just saw in the news today, that a russian ship ran on ground somewhere in Denmark. Skipper was drunk - very drunk. And the ship had permission to carry nuclear waste. Nice. Fortunately it was empty, but how the fuck does a whino get put in charge of a nuclear waste carrying vessel?
Oh yeah - the chief engineer was drunk as a skunk as well. Stupid assholes should go sit on a fuel rod.

My loonie bun is fine, Benny Lava

A while back I posted this amazing indian music video. Well - thanks to science (and utter boredom) we now know what they're actually singing:



- fascinating.

I hate networking...

- no, not the getting hammered and dancing naked on the table at the local pub to get attention because your friends are busy scoring, and suddenly everyone thinks you're awesome and wants to buy you drinks -networking.
I hate computer-networking. HATE it. Every computer purchase should come with a sysadmin. In which case I would have 4, but at least they'd be able to solve my network problems quickly and efficiently, when they decide to pop up completely out of the blue.

3 days ago my internet connection died on me. So bad I had to call support at my ISP - something that luckily only happens once or twice every year. Together we try a few different solutions, rebooting, restarting the modem, disconnecting cables, replacing cables - and in the end they send a new profile to the modem, and it works. Yeah - they fucked it up to begin with.
- but I also suspect that all the hassle made my switch go bonkers. Suddenly, after having played a bit of STALKER (yes, again) I have no internet. So I restart the modem - still nothing. And even weirder - the IP-phone works. And in 99% of the cases this means an error in my end. Great. I'll be arsed if I have to call support for the second time this year, only 1 day later.
I boot a second machine and a third, just to see if they can connect through the network - and they can't. The two others can go online though. Further investigation reveals, that my primary has suddenly decided to ditch it's IP-adress, subnet mask and primary gateway. Excellent - how the fuck did THAT happen?!?!? I reassign - and the primary can go online as well - but still no connection between the three computers. Infuriating! I'm a little out of my league all of a sudden, and I'm even peeking in the BIOS to check if something has gone AWOL, but no - everything is peaches and dandy. As a last resort, I take a look at the switch which is blinking rather incoherantly, as opposed to the 3x3 blips indicating that there's traffic between 3 active computers. So I reboot the switch, and everything works again.

Did I mention how much I hate networking?

Jack Thompson is a friggin idiot... again...

U.S. Attorney, and computer game-hater, Jack Thompson is on a quest. A quest to ban computer games completely. And having not succeeded previously, he is now taking new methods in use. Prior to the release of Grand Theft Auto IV, he sent the following letter to Take-Two exec. Strauss Zelnick's mother:

Dear Mrs. Zelnick:

Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know), is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc., whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.

Your son last week was reported to have said the following about Grand Theft Auto IV, due to be released Tuesday, April 29: “We’ve already received numerous [GTA IV] reviews, and to a one, they are perfect scores. My mom couldn’t write better reviews…” Taking your son’s thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.

What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration of GTA is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police officers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it), and of course the plentiful female prostitutes you can have sex with and then filet with a knife or stomp with your feet in order to get your money back. Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son’s entrepreneurial energy. There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.

The pornography and violence that your son trafficks in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children, but, hey, your son Strauss has recently assured the world that he is “a Boy Scout, everybody knows that.” I’d love to see the merit badges that Scout Troop handed out. Is there a Ted Bundy merit badge? If so, your loving son deserves one now. It should be red and green, for obvious reasons.

With Passover having just come and gone, it is appropriate to note the following from the Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children? Any kid can go right to little Strauss’ corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.

But maybe the explanation for your son’s corporate sociopathy is to be found in Old Testament Proverb 29:15:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Maybe you, Mrs. Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, “to shame.”

There’s another mother you would do well to talk to. Mrs. Crump in Alabama had a son who was a police officer. He’s now dead because a teenaged boy unwittingly trained himself to kill him on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She has a grief she carries every day that only a mother can know.There are other such mothers in the heartland of America whose inhabitants your son simply sees as commercial targets.

Your son, this very moment, is doing everything he possibly can to sell as many copies of GTA IV to teen boys in the United States, a country in which your son claims you raised him to be “a Boy Scout.” More like the Hitler Youth, I would say. Happy Mother’s day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.

Sincerely, Jack Thompson


I noticed that he apparently has no problem with youngsters watching wrestling - no not traditional wrestling, but the WWF one, where people team op 2-3 against one, smash guitars and chairs and whatnot in eachothers faces - but that's just a show... it's entertainment. It's only pretend, right?
- just as computer games, you moron!

Besides - the games come with a rating that basically means "do NOT let your underage teenage kids play this, or we're not responsible if they grow up to be schoolyard killers". A rating that most parents choose to ignore.
I think Jack Thompson should go on a quest to put warnings on ignorant parents instead, so the rest of us will know who's kids are likely to blow a gasket at some point.
Why don't you quest against those idiot clerks who sell the games to kids not old enough to play those games?

And those old testament quotes are just fantastic. The old testament is just full of nice little sayings about how you should dicipline your offspring by violent means. Right. What do you honestly think, Jackie dearest, will spawn troubled kids, hmm? Kids who have been beaten, or kids who have been playing computer games?
Sociopaths usually comes from troubled homes.

So once again bravo, Jack Thompson. You've managed to make a complete ass of yourself - but hey, at least we can always count on you to deliver.

You're so keen on eliminating the computer games industry, but you never will. You will eventually pass away, knowing that you spent half a lifetime on a futile quest. Time you could've spent with your loved ones.
- isn't it time to give up, Jack? You can't win. Just face the obvious and get over it.

...and this is Reno Kiilerich in puppet form...

Screw Brutal Truth - THIS is grindcore!!